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A full life isn't the same as a happy one. That's not to say that you can't have a full life and be happy at the same time, but in my instance, it's not always hand-in-hand.

Since moving again I've had just as much going on as I did in Canberra, but different shades of grey (shades of shades?).

Not all has been good, some has been the best of my life. I sometimes get extremely frustrated in that I don't use platforms to vent how I feel and I've taken to using a physical journal to record my Anorexia Nervosa recovery. It's not like I don't feel safe in writing about THAT online - but it's pretty... intense. It can be so intense, and while I think it's important to vocalise just how it is to be ill and what it's like, the challenges and things you need to overcome, it's also something I don't want to share because it's so caustic at times.



This wasn't the way I meant this entry to turn out, haha.



Seeing Dylan, touching him, spending HOURS a day talking, laughing, joking, skipping through parks, holding his warm, large hands, looking into his face and the looks he gave me, like I am beautiful, like I am... important - that's done more for me than all the treatment in the world.

Seeing him was the happiest I've been in my life.

So while things are difficult in other areas, right now, I have beautiful memories of warmth and happiness overflowing - and I have plans to make for a return of such.

Ah, Judgement took some lovely photos. And so did I. I still feel like it was a wonderful and perfect dream. I miss him every morning, when I wake up and he's not there... but we're planning, looking, thinking, so it's bearable, barely.



I'd never been so happy as I was with him.

I'm back home now.

It was so freaking hard to leave him at the airport - my flight was before his and... holy jesus. Possibly one of the hardest things I've done - walk through Customs without turning around and running back and crying and not wanting to leave. As it was, I turned back once for a hug.

Cried most of the way home. American accents were in the Australian airport I landed in, and it set me off again and again.

I didn't think I'd be so upset - I'll see him again, hopefully soon, but holy crap, I was just wrecked.



I miss him so much. He's fucking incredible. He's funny, he smells so good, the sound of his laughter is like thick, golden honey. His dimples are gorgeous, the way his eyes light up with when he sees me, the way he stops me from tripping, the feeling of his big hands holding my tiny ones... jesus.

I put on his hoodie and it was so warm, smelled so good, that I ended up falling asleep in it, when we were in the lovely hotel we stayed in. I was out light a light for hours - I slept until lunch time, even though I was fully dressed and had showered - entirely ready for our day... but then fell asleep.

It was... embarrassing but lovely in that I felt safe enough with him that I just konked out.



I cannot wait to see him again.

So many freaking amazing days in a row, and I am more than appreciating the little things.

Giggling with him under blankets, tickling him, listening to his hearty chuckle, adorable, heart-melting gazes and dimpled smiles.

His hand in mine, gently murmering to each other, playful banter and whispered sweet words that make me feel like I've melted into my unicorn socks.



Today we went to the cinema and ended up watching three movies in a row, with a quick dinner in between. It was incredible. We had an amazing breakfast and morning.



It makes me so happy. Again, nearly 6 years of waiting... so worth it.



My MBK. ♥

I am so happy that it is not funny. I haven't laughed or smiled so much in yeaaars.



Thank you for this, VR. Thank you for this wonderful man. He is worth the wait. Holy god, he is amazing.

When I look at him I feel like... how can I even begin to explain it? I feel so loved, SO loved, so, purely.

I wake up next to him and it's like my world has a sun, contained inside this magnificent man.

I feel like... everything is okay. I feel like he can fix the world for me, and that he has already done it.

I feel like... I knew I was missing something before, but happy, but still had a little jigsaw piece missing.

He's that piece.

And while I have had him for the last 5 years, I haven't been able to kiss him. Hug him. Hold him. Laugh with him. Hold his hand and skip down the street, smile at him, jesus.

Jesus.



I love him. I loved him before we were able to see each other, but jesus... I. Love. Him.

COMMENTS

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LilyOfTheLabyrinth
19:22 Feb 08 2016

Fuck yea!

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Chronomancer
03:40 Feb 09 2016

Very cool, congrats! :)

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POST COMMENT

Holy fucking god.

I am so happy right now.

Ooooh my Deelan... ♥

I love this man so much.

He's incredible.

He is so lovely.



I can't stop looking at him.

Cannot stop smiling.